i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
