Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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