3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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