i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize