Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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