When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
