I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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