So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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