The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
