What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
