just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
false alarm, still single
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
