Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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