Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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