You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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