I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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