I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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