Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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