These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
