whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
