Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
