I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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