either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
