It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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