Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
