He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
