i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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