I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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