I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
