Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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