u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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