I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
