Where are you?
In a non slutty way
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
