I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
