I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
