BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
