wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
