I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
