Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
