proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
