you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
