You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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