Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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