Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize