Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
