Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
