have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
