did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
