you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
