I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i drank out of a bidet.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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