great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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