just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
