Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
