It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
