All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
