Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Boobs are out for the taking
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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