I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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