I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize