were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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