Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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