her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
