can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
