dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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