That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
