I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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