I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
