yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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