So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
