could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
