Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
PANTIES FOUND
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
