I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
