it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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