I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
