we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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