We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think your dad took our porno
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I would ride that face into the sunset
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
