so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
