My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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