Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
