1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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