And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So squirting runs in the family.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize