you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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